Make them name the number first

There's one rule that quietly decides most raise conversations, and almost nobody uses it: whoever says a number first sets the ceiling.

When you open with "I'd like 15%," you've just drawn the line you'll spend the rest of the conversation defending — downward. Your manager's only job now is to talk you off it. But when they name a figure first, you learn what they were already willing to give, and you get to counter up from there.

Why going first costs you

You're negotiating with incomplete information. You don't know their budget, their range, or what they've given others. Anchor too low and you leave money on the table they would happily have paid. Anchor too high with no framing and you sound unreasonable. Either way, you're guessing — and they're not.

How to get them to go first

You don't demand it. You ask a calm, open question after you've laid out your value, and then you stop talking.

Try saying "Based on what I've been delivering, I think it's worth revisiting my comp. What did you have in mind?"

Other versions that work depending on the person:

If they're vague "What's the range you're working with for someone in this role?"

If they deflect "I hear you. Ballpark — where do you see this landing?"

Then counter — higher, with a reason

Whatever they say, it's the floor, not the deal. Acknowledge it, then counter above it and attach your strongest result. Never just repeat a bigger number — frame it.

The counter "Okay — given that I led the renewal that brought in €80k, I think we should be closer to X. Can we get there?"

What if they refuse to go first?

Some will push it back to you ("well, what were you thinking?"). If they truly won't move, give a researched, high number framed as a range you've earned — not a wish. But make them ask twice before you do. The longer they talk, the more you learn.

Hold the line, stay warm, and let the silence after your question do the work. The person who's comfortable with the pause usually wins the number.